Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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