Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
