You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
