i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
