By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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