Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
