Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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