My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
