So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
