just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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