She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
