I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
