she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Randomize
