Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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