Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
