OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
