I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
