Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
