I just pynch a tree in the face
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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