Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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