No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
