Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
