No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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