UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
