He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
