Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
