Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
