I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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