He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
