Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
