I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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