I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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