um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
