I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There's always time for handjobs
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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