So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
