I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
