loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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