If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
