ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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