Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
