i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
