I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
