we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
