Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
