Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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