ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
