She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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