dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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