What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize