i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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