they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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