I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
