Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
