I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
